Monday, January 19, 2009

Tammy the Little Mermaid - The Finale (plus previews!)

Here you go ... here's the long-awaited ending to this epic drama. As far as endings go, it's pretty disappointing; I must admit that I think that Tammy deserved a different fate, and I suspect others will agree. But read on and see for yourself.

And as an extra "treat", once you're done you'll find two previews from (never written) Fruitville books!

Chapter Fifteen

It was the big day! The morning of the play! It was a Friday, and the orphans and Madison boys would get to miss school again. They would need all day to prepare.

After Tammy's little "talk" with Joan, she had started to come to school again. The popular orphans didn't even say anything to her; they just ignored her. But that was good enough for Tammy. She talked to Joan, and Barbara, and Hollie, and Tyanne. Tammy never thought she'd actually talk to them, but they weren't that bad. (Oh, Tammy, likable as always!)

So on the day of the play, Tammy felt it would be okay if she just watched it, but didn't participate. Watching wouldn't do any harm, and she could see if Stella made a better Ariel.

But she wasn't counting on Brett to be at the morning dress rehearsal. (Um, why WOULDN'T he be, dummy? He's the boy star!) He was in his Erik costume (the costumes had arrived at the orphanage just in the nick of time) helping Mr. DiBiaz move the finally-finished scenery. He looks so cute, Tammy thought wistfully. She was surprised at how much she still missed him. Maybe it would be okay if she just smiled at him or something. Maybe he missed her, too.

But no such luck. When Tammy caught Brett looking at her, she smiled a tentative smile. Brett frowned, turned to Kevin, whispered something in his ear, and laughed.

Tammy felt her heart sink. Brett still thought she was a crazy, psychopathic maniac. (As opposed to just your average maniac?) It would never change. He would always hate her; everyone would. Why did she ever listen to Joan Quackenbush? Joan Quackenbush was a geek. A fat, overgrown whale. How could someone whose favorite hobby was eating understand anything besides food?

(And yet again, SHE WONDERS WHY EVERYONE HATES HER?)

Forget the stupid play, Tammy thought sadly. I'm not even in it, so why go? I'll be better off in my room forever.

***

"Orphans! Boys!" The chattering continued. "Orphans! Boys!" Nobody even turned around.

"ORPHANS! BOYS! LISTEN TO ME!"

The kids stopped what they were doing and faced Mr. DiBiaz. "Jeez," Wendy began. "Do you have to yell so loud? We..." Mr. DiBiaz gave her a dirty look and she shut up.

"Thank you," he said, looking satisfied. "Okay, orphans and boys, our play is tonight! I'm pumped up (beyond shut up, Mr. DiBiaz) and ready to have a successful play!" The kids began to screech and cheer, but Mr. DiBiaz didn't stop them. He just grinned and held up his hand.

"Okay, okay, I know you're excited, but we need to begin our dress rehearsal if we want to have a successful play. Listen to these directions, and we'll have a successful dress rehearsal, too. I want each and every one of you to go backstage. There will be no talking whatsoever. If I hear so much as one little peep, you will march straight to time-out, and not be allowed to participate in any more Fruitville productions."

"What if a chick sneaks in?!" Virginia Vaughn cried. She started to howl with laughter, but Mr. DiBiaz screamed, "Virginia, any more of your little jokes, and you won't be in this play!!!"

(Maybe she's trying to get sent to time-out to get away from Mr. DiBiaz's scary every-other-second mood swings?)

"Sorry," Virginia muttered.

"Never mind the sorrys. Don't talk! Okay, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, you will all go backstage and stay quiet. Except for the choir, who will all sit off to the side, and come up onstage when I motion them to. Then I will give a little speech, and the play will begin! Shall we start?"

"YES!!!!!"

Mr. DiBiaz grinned. "Okay! Everybody troop backstage!"

***

"She's our sister, Ari-e-e-e-e-el..." the six sisters sang. (Wasn't it nice of Disney to give them the rights to these songs?)

"ARIEL!" Triton boomed warningly.

It was the scene of the play where Ariel first appeared, and the set changed right after Triton's line. The set movers did their job, then...

"Flounder, where's Ariel?" Mr. DiBiaz cried anxiously. Meg had come onstage by herself!

"I don't know." Meg shrugged under her Flounder costume. "I couldn't find her."

"Uh ... ARIEL!" John Ketchum (Triton) boomed again helpfully.

Mr. DiBiaz gave him a disgusted look. "That won't do anything. Quick, everybody! Look for Stella!"

"Stella! Stella!" everybody started to cry, running backstage.
(Actually, I think Triton's idea was better.)

"Maybe she's in the bathroom!" Scott Kendrick shouted.

"No, she's probably getting her costume on somewhere!" Brenda yelled.

"Stella!" "Stella, it's your turn!" The orphans and boys looked in the halls, the classrooms, the bathrooms. Stella wasn't anywhere!

"Uh-oh!" Brett cried, looking alarmed.

"What?" Everyone swiveled around to look at him.

"Tammy! Oh, my gosh, you guys, Tammy must have killed her!"

Several kids started to laugh. (Who could blame them?) "What are you talking about, Brett?" Mr. DiBiaz asked sharply.

"I'm serious! It said so in her diary! She doesn't like Stella, and she said she was going to put detergent in her drink! I bet she did it!"

"He's right!" cried Kevin.

"She's a maniac," said Scott Lunsford.

"I saw it, too," Wendy added. "Beth showed it to me." (Like you don't know full well your dumb sister wrote it.)

Mr. DiBiaz paled. "Where is Beth?"

"Upstairs," said Belinda. "I'll go get her." Belinda ran off.

"Did anybody else see this?" Mr. DiBiaz asked.

"I did," said Christina.

"So did I," said Janine.

"Me, too," said Tami.

(What lying liars who lie!)

"She has been acting rather strangely lately ... my goodness, we have a murderer on our hands!" Mr. DiBiaz cried. "Come with me, kids, I have to see that diary!"

(And, of course, Mr. DiBiaz just automatically believes them...)

Just then, Belinda and Beth appeared, panting. "What is it?" Beth asked breathlessly.

"Beth Harris," Mr. DiBiaz said slowly. "Is it true that you saw in Tammy Morris's diary that she was planning to kill Stella?"

"Y-yes," Beth stammered.

"My goodness! We..."

"I found Stella! I found Stella!" Megan Bagley ran over the group. "She's in the bathroom on the A-floor. She's really sick. She's throwing up."

"Was she poisoned?!" Brett screamed.

Megan looked disgusted. "No. It's nothing worse than the flu. But she needs help."

"I'll send my wife up there. Megan, go tell Mrs. DiBiaz what you just saw. I need to discuss something with these other orphans," Mr. DiBiaz said firmly.

(Ha -- the only thing better than referring to them as "orphans" is referring to them as "these other orphans." Dismissive much?)

Beth looked frightened. "What do you need to discuss?"

"What you saw in that diary. Frankly, I don't understand what you were doing with the diary, but that isn't important. This is serious business. Somebody wants to murder someone. Tammy could be dangerous. She needs psychiatric help ... and she needs it fast."

(Okay, he is offically not qualified to be running this place! Not that we didn't already know that.)

"Will she have to go to a nuthouse?" Wendy asked.

"That is a big possibility. Right now I have to go up and have a talk with her."

"Wait!" Beth cried. "Before you go, I have to ... I have to tell you something."

Mr. DiBiaz turned to her. "What is it, Beth?"

"Well..." Beth bit her lip. "Tammy doesn't need psychiatric help. She doesn't need it at all. If anyone does, I do." Beth paused. "I wrote those diary entries."
(Aw, not an oh-so-conveniently timed attack of conscience!)

"WHAT?!!!!," everyone screeched.

"I wrote the entries. I'm really sorry. It was a really stupid thing to do. I don't even know why I did it. Well, yes, I do, but I really don't feel like telling everybody. But, Mr. DiBiaz, Tammy shouldn't get in trouble."

"You mean, she's not crazy?" Brett shouted.

Beth shook her head miserably.

"Oh, Beth," Mr. DiBiaz murmured. "Oh, Beth. And..."

"The stuff I said she said about everyone?" Beth interrupted. "Those were lies, too."

"You mean, she didn't call me any names?" Wendy yelled.

"She ... she was telling the truth?" Tami looked amazed.

Beth nodded.

"Oh, man," Brett muttered. "No wonder she quit the play. I was such a jerk. And I didn't even have any reason to be!"

"You hurt her feelings," Joan Quackenbush spoke up wisely.

Everyone looked at her. "How do you know?" Tami asked.

"I know," was Joan's reply. (Poor Joan sure cares more about her BFF Tammy's feelings than the other way around.)

"Uh-oh!" Scarlett Steinberg screamed suddenly.

"What is it? What is it?" the kids cried.

"Tammy quit the play. Stella's sick. We don't have an Ariel!"

"You're RIGHT!" Mr. DiBiaz shouted. He buried his face in his hands. "Oh, no..."

"We don't," Beth said slowly. "Unless..."

"Unless?" Wendy echoed.

"TAMMY!" everyone suddenly screamed in unison.

"Come on, let's go get her!" Beth cried.

(Noooo!)

About twenty kids ran upstairs to room B-2 and threw open the door. Tammy was lying on her bed, reading.

"Come on," Tami ordered, grabbing her wrist. "We need you. You're coming with us."

"Wait, what are you talking about? I'm not coming with you! Why are you all in here?"

"We need you!" Tami repeated.

"Stella's sick..." Beth began.

"She can't do her part," Wendy added.

"And you're our Ariel!" Brenda finished.

"But I quit!" Tammy cried.

"Who cares? The play was terrible without you, anyway!" Kevin replied. "Come on!"

"But ... but I can't! I can't go out there with Brett..."

"It's okay," Brett said from the back of the crowd. "I want you to be in it. Please?"

"I don't have a costume..."

"Wear Stella's," Beth interrupted. (Ew, is it all covered with vomit?) "Please come with us. Please!"

"We beg you!" Wendy added.

"Well..." Tammy put her book down. "Okay, I guess. I'd better hurry, though!"

"Yea!!!" everyone cheered. (Yes, I spelled 'yea' BSC-style.) They started downstairs. Beth stayed behind, waiting for Tammy. When it was just the two of them, Beth said, "Tammy? I-I'm sorry."

Tammy smiled. "You did write those diary entries, huh?"

Beth nodded. "Yup. I did. I also told everyone lies about you."

Tammy looked surprised. "You spread rumors?"

"Well, no. But sort of. I told everyone you called them those dumb names."

Tammy snickered. "A Thanksgiving ham fit for an elephant?"

Beth looked sheepish. "Yeah. And a mouse, and a geek, an a whole bunch of other stupid things. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. But ... how come?"

"How come I lied to everyone? I wanted you to lose your part in the play."

"Well, I figured that out when I read your note to Stella. But how come you didn't want me in the play?"

"Um, um..." Beth looked uncomfortable. "Don't get mad or anything, but I ... I didn't really like you. (*snort*)I didn't hate you, but..."

"How come you didn't like wonderful me?" Tammy grinned.

Beth looked pained. "Because ... because I was jealous of you. I..."

"I knew it!" Tammy cried triumphantly.

"Knew what?! I'm really sorry, but that's another thing that bugs me about you. You..."

"Brag too much?" Tammy smiled sadly. "Joan Quackenbush told me the same thing, if you can believe it. I don't mean for it to annoy people. It just does. But it's better than, like, complaining about myself ... isn't it?"

"I guess so," Beth replied. "But do you really think you're that good? Not that you're bad, but..."

Tammy laughed. "Of course not! I definitely don't hate myself, but I don't think I'm God's gift or anything. I know I have my faults, but I have my good points, too, but ... oh, who cares! I've always hated that all that self-esteem junk, haven't you?" (What kind of conversation is this?)

"Yeah," Beth agreed. She grinned. "Tammy, I'm sorry ... again. I really am."

"It's okay ... again. I'll try not to brag so much, okay?"

"Okay. And I'll never, ever turn everyone against you like that again. Honest, I can't believe I did that. Oh, and by the way, I told everyone that I lied, and I'm pretty sure no one's mad at you anymore."

"They aren't?" Tammy grinned. "Thanks, Beth."

"Don't thank me. I don't deserve to be thanked after what I did. Just consider it kind of a ... oh, never mind. Friends?" (Gag.)

"Friends. Come on, though, we'd better get down there before the play starts!"

"The play! I forgot all about it!"

Quickly, the two girls ran downstairs to the auditorium's backstage. Everyone else was already in costume and ready for a last minute rehearsal.

"Tammy!" Mr. DiBiaz cried when he saw her. "Oh, thank goodness you're here. Your first costume is right there, and the costumes for when you have legs are around here somewhere. You know all your lines and everything, don't you?"

"Yup!" Tammy replied.

"Okay. Go change ... quickly! We're running out of time!"

Tammy found her costume, went into a dressing room, and put it on.

"You look ... like the Little Mermaid," she muttered to herself as she stared in the mirror. "Except the Little Mermaid's hair is straight and red, and yours is blonde and curly. Oh, well." Tammy was ready to act!

She went backstage and was just about to walk over to Beth and Tami when she felt a hand on her arm. It was Brett.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"H-hi!" Tammy smiled.

"Um ... Beth told me she lied. You were right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Tammy replied. "No harm done."

"I'll talk to you some more after the play. Good luck today, Tammy."

"You, too, Brett." They gave each other a small hug, and walked off. Tammy was so overwhelmed! An hour ago, she was sitting in her room, mourning about everything she had lost, and now she and Brett had made up, nobody was mad at her anymore, and she was about to star in the play! There could possibly be a huge audience in the auditorium, and Tammy hadn't looked at her lines for over two weeks, but she knew she was ready for anything.

Chapter Sixteen

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, grandmas and grandpas! (Aren't they part of the "ladies and gentlemen"?) Welcome to Madison Middle School and the Fruitville Orphanage for Girls' production of ... The Little Mermaid!" Mr. DiBiaz cried. The audience, which was huge considering it was mostly the boys' friends and families, clapped and cheered. Mr. DiBiaz grinned and continued.

"Thank you, thank you. Now, the kids have been working on this play nonstop for six weeks and they've been working hard. I must say, it is quite a play. We've had a few problems, but overall, it's been great. I won't keep on talking, though. I think it's time to ... let the show begin!"

The audience clapped politely as Mr. DiBiaz motioned for the choir to come upstage and the red velvet curtain opened. The choir was graceful, and they sang the right song. (I should hope they sang the right song...) So far, so good.

Then John, Kevin, Becca, and Ryan Wilson entered. The only thing that went wrong there was that John's long white Triton beard fell off. (Ha ha!) But he just casually put it back on. Scott Lunsford (Sebastian) was perfect, and the sisters were excellent.

"Are you ready?" Tammy whispered to Meg backstage while the set movers were moving the sets.

"Ready!" Meg replied.

"Okay! I only did the dress rehearsal, so ... don't blame me if I mess up!"

"Don't worry. We barely did anything besides the dress rehearsal," Meg told her. "It's time for us to enter!"

Tammy and Meg didn't have to worry about anything. They were perfect ... the best anyone had ever been! Brandon Douglas (Scuttle) was magnificent, too. If the rest of the play continued to go so well, it could have been on Broadway. (I think my third-person omniscient narrator is overdoing it just a little...)

And it did! Almost. The choir and characters started to sing "Kiss de Girl" when they were supposed to sing "Under the Sea." (The h*ll? Are these idiots using a background tape or what?) But they quickly corrected their mistake. And once, the scenery almost fell right on top of Tammy and Brett. But it didn't. (Too bad.)

The play was definitely a success! At the end, when the cast took their bows, Brett and Tammy received a standing ovation! Belinda did, too, as Ursula.

"You were wonderful!" Mr. DiBiaz cried when they were all backstage after the play. "Magnificent, excellent, wonderful! Oh, Tammy, you made such a good comeback! Brett, son, I was fooled into think you really were a prince named Erik. Belinda ... what a witch! Brandon and Scott, you were both funny, and Meg, you were so cute! John, you were a terrific Triton, and Desi, you were the best chef I could have seen! All of you..."

"We did good?" Beth spoke up.

"Better than good! Marvelous!"

"What do we do with our costumes?" Meg asked. "Can we keep them as souvenirs? Dress-up clothes or something?"

Tami started to laugh. "You still play dress-up?"

"No." Meg looked embarrassed. "Just never mind."

Mr. DiBiaz smiled. "Yes, you may keep your costumes. (What are they supposed to do with them? Use them as Halloween costumes?) Try to keep them in good shape, though."

"What do we do with them right now?" Tami asked.

"Everybody change back into your normal clothes and then come back here. I want to talk to you."

"He probably wants to talk about you," Brett whispered to Tammy as they headed off to change.

"I hope not," Tammy replied. She went into a dressing room, changed back into her jean-shorts and sweatshirt, then joined Brett in a little corner backstage far away from everyone else.

"I just realized something," Brett said.

"What?"

"The play is over. We won't be coming back, or I don't think we will. How are we ever supposed to see each other again?"

"Oh, yeah," Tammy murmured. "Jeez, I didn't even think of that."

Brett sighed. "How could I ever believe those stupid diary entries? I feel like such a jerk. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. But we did kinda waste a lot of time we could've spent ... oh, well. It's too late for that."

"You could always come over to my house for dinner again," Brett suggested. "That was really fun. And I hope it's not too late to come over here for dinner ... you know, like you offered."

"Of course it's not. Well, if Mr. DiBiaz doesn't mind. He probably thinks we were discussing acting before."

"I'm going to miss you."

"Me, too. But it's not like we live far away from each other. We even live in the same town, and Fruitville's not exactly huge."

Brett smiled. "Yeah, but it still won't be the same. I wish you went to Madison."

Tammy grinned. "I wish you went to Fruitville."

"Sorry, I'm not a girl," Brett replied.

"It's a good thing! Well, Mr. DiBiaz wants to talk to us. We'd better go over there."

Brett sighed. "Yeah, I guess we'd better. Come on."

Most of the rest of the boys and orphans were crowded in a half-circle around Mr. DiBiaz. "Now," he was saying. "I won't be too long, because you Madison kids have parents out there waiting for you. But I just wanted to say that all of you Madison-ites have been a real pleasure to work with ... a real pleasure. I hope we can do it again sometime, and there's a good chance we will ... after all, Mr. Tatum and I are good friends. (WEHT Mr. Tatum? I guess he's just standing there in his gray suit, smiling.) Maybe we'll do Beauty and the Beast next! Well, I just wanted to tell you it's been a joy. Stop by sometime and visit. Orphans, let's give these Madison kids a hand!"

"YEA!!!!!!" the orphans cheered.

(Note, I know I had plans for a "Beauty and the Beast" follow-up, but nothing ever came of it ... not even a preview. Tragic, huh?)

"We will have at least one more get-together ... sometime next week, we're going to have a cast party here at the orphanage. Sound alright to you?"

"YES!!!!!"

Mr. DiBiaz grinned. "I thought you. Okay, you Madison kids are dismissed. See you soon!"

The Madison boys started to pour off the stage. Some of the orphans went with them. Tammy followed Brett to the back of the auditorium, where Mrs. Jamison and Brandon were standing.

"Son, you were wonderful!" Mrs. Jamison cried, kissing Brett on the cheek. She turned to Tammy. "And, dear, you were glorious, too! (Glorious?) But Brett told me they found a new Ariel."

"She got sick," Tammy said nonchalantly.

"Oh, well, that's too bad. But Brandon has something for the both of you."

Blushing, Brandon whipped two red roses out from behind his back.
"Here," he muttered, handing one to Tammy and the other to his brother.

"I'm a guy," Brett replied, holding his rose gingerly. "You don't give flowers to guys. What are you, a..."
(Shut up, Brett.)

"Oh, Brett, stop it. He's your brother, and besides, I got it for you."

"Thanks." Tammy smiled at Mrs. Jamison. "It's pretty."

"Yes, well, you always give flowers to the stars," Mrs. Jamison replied.

"It was supposed to be for that other girl," Brandon spoke up.

"Oh, Brandon!" Mrs. Jamison smiled at Tammy. "It was supposed to be for Stella," she admitted. "But you were the star."

"Well," she continued. "We must be going. I'm going to take the boys out for ice cream. Do you think your orphanage leader would let you come with us?"

"He might!" Tammy said excitedly. "Let me go check."

Five minutes later, she was back. "He said no," she said, unable to hide her disappointment. "Sorry."

"Oh, dear, it's okay. Maybe another time. I'm sorry, too, but we really have to go. You can call any time you want."

"I will," Tammy promised.

"Good. Bye, honey. See you!"

"Bye. Bye, Brandon! It was nice meeting you. Thanks for the rose. Bye, Brett. See you at the cast party."

"Yeah," Brett agreed. "And promise you'll call, like, tonight or tmorrow."

"I promise," Tammy said solemnly.

The Jamisons said goodbye again, and they were off. Tammy watched them leave, sadly.

"It's gonna be strange without them here, huh?" Tami said, walking up behind her friend. "You know Tom Hart? I was starting to like him a lot. I know I'm going to miss him, too."

"Yeah. It's too bad I had to make up with Brett today. Oh, well. At least I made up with him."

"Well, a little of that's my fault. I didn't apologize before, did I? I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I almost forgot about that."

"You did really good in the play," Tami said sincerely.

"Thanks. So did you!"

"Yeah, in my huge part," Tami grinned. "It was fun, though. I'm glad I got to be in it."

"Me, too," Tammy replied. "Considering I almost wasn't." (And whose fault would that have been, quitter?)

"What do you say we go sneak some snacks from the kitchen to celebrate?"

"You know," Tammy said. "That sounds really good. We can talk, too."

"About Brett," Tami kidded.

"Or Tom," Tammy retorted jokingly. "Come on, we'd better hurry before Joan gets there first!"

THE END

***

Yes, that's the wonderful ending. I'm sorry.

But look what I found in the back of my notebook! A page that says -- and I quote -- Check for these Fruitville titles! Coming soon!

This first one features some girl named Jill Bray, a character who I don't think made even ONE appearance in Tammy the Little Mermaid, as well as her best friend, Kendra Hogan. (Who appeared as an extra. You might recall earlier in the story, how Tammy told herself how nice and compassionate she really was to associate with not-very-pretty girls like Kendra and Deena Boulder.)

From Fruitville #4, Jill and the Accident:

"You can come on in," the nurse told Kendra. "But be warned. Her appearance might frighten you."

"O-okay," Kendra mumbled. She stepped into the dim hospital room, and gasped. Jill was lying on a white bed, pale as her sheets ... except for the purple bruises on her face. She was hooked up to about a zillion machines. A white bandage was wrapped around the top of her head. But the worst part, to Kendra, was Jill's stillness. She looked like she was dead or something ... hardly the same Jill who was in the car with Kendra that very morning, babbling about the contest.

"Oh, Jill," Kendra murmured. "This is all my fault." If only she hadn't told Jill that seat belt story! Jill would be in her room at Fruitville right now, preparing for the poster contest, not lying in a coma, in a hospital bed.

An image flashed into Kendra's mind, the same one that had been haunting her for the past seven hours. It was two years earlier, and Kendra was in the car with her parents. They were chatting conversationally when Kendra noticed an out-of-control truck weaving toward her, just like the truck that had come weaving toward Mrs. DiBiaz's van. Kendra screamed, the car overturned, and the next thing she knew, she was in the hospital. Kendra was alive. She was lucky. But she never saw her parents again. They had not been so lucky. And it looked like Jill wasn't going to be so lucky, either.

*

Obviously, I was attempting to channel my inner Lurlene McDaniel when I wrote the above.

Anyway, this next one features good old Joan Quackenbush!


From Fruitville #5, Joan's Diet:

I'm healthy. Not fat. Healthy, Joan pep-talked herself. Somehow she wasn't feeling as confident any more, though. If Hollie was supposed to diet, how was Joan going to get out of it? Joan weighed about ten times more than Hollie!

"Diet," Joan muttered, like it was a dirty word. "I am not going to diet."

"Joan Quackenbush," the nurse called out robotically.

"Here goes nothing," Joan said to Barbara and Tyanne. Feeling nervous, she trudged into the small office. The nurse was writing something down on a clipboard. When she saw Joan, she took one look at her and gaped. That was exactly the word for it. Gaped.

"What are you gaping at?" Joan muttered.

The nurse cleared her throat. "It looks like you've been eating too many Twinkies!" was her reply. "Well, we can't waste time. Onto the scale."

"I hate scales!" Joan whined. But she stepped onto the dumb machine anyway, and the nurse made the adjustments. Her mouth became a big "O."

"I'm not fat, I'm..." Joan started to protest.

"Not fat?!" the nurse interrupted. "Not fat?! Girl, you are obese! Do you know how much you weigh? Do you? YOU WEIGH 140 POUNDS!" (OMG!! *keeling over in shock*)

"So?" Joan retorted.

"So?! So, we have got to get you on a diet! WE HAVE GOT TO GET YOU ON A DIET ... RIGHT AWAY!!!"

*

I actually DID start this one, but only wrote about ten pages. (Un?)fortunately, it's VERY much long-lost!

************************************************************
Coming soon: The Charles Ingalls interview/pioneer story (it'll just be one post), then back to Lisa and the Angels!

Finally, I wanted to mention my new blog, which you can find here, and which chronicles my "adventures" as a not-quite-30-year-old Stage IV breast cancer patient! If that sounds like a really cheery subject, I promise the blog won't be depressing. At least it's not supposed to be depressing.

(And if you do check on it, try not to confuse me with our favorite self-proclaimed "most wonderful person evah!" heroine, Tammy. Only 13-year-old me would name a character after myself. Even though she was really named after Tommy Morrison.;>)

8 comments:

Recap That! said...

I have so much to comment on! I can't believe this is the end! I've really enjoyed reading it.

Mr. DiBiaz is by fair my favourite character. From his wild mood swings, to shouting about 90% of the time, to consistently reminded the orphans of the orphan status; all pure gold. My favourite part of his is when he says; "I won't be too long, because you Madison kids have parents out there waiting for you.” I was expecting him to turn to the orphans and say “but all of your parents are either dead or don’t love you anymore, so we could stay here ALL day!”

Tammy is quite a little witch, but not as bad as what I’ve been reading in Sweet Valley books. Less serial killers and comas, but just as much overreacting and jumping to conclusions!

Wait, Mr DiBiaz spends twenty minutes trying to get them to shut up, but then asks them a question?! And then grins when they respond loudly?!

I’ve changed my mind; my favourite part is where they’re all screaming “STELLA!” really loudly. STELLA!!

How come half the time it seems like Mr DiBiaz doesn’t know any of the kids names, but other times he address them by their full names?

“So, you say she’s vomiting quite violently, hey? My wife can deal with that. Go find her and tell her.”

Mr D needs to be taken to a nuthouse. And his wife as well. And whoever put him in charge. Oh, well, Disney will probably sue his ass off.

Mr D seems to have passed the shouty to everyone else, because of all a sudden EVERYONE’s shouting.

Yea has always annoyed me. Yea, by all my reckoning, should rhyme with “pea” and I’ve never heard anyone in my life exclaim that. I could never figure out if in the BSC it was meant to be like “yay” or “yeah”.

WHAT SEATBELT STORY?! Sorry to go all Mr D on you, but what? There’s a seatbelt story?!

The truck was like the one that killed her parents? Wouldn’t it be an awesome plot twist if it was actually the same truck!

Wow, that nurse is just, wow. Off to the nuthouse with her too. Although, it’s exactly the kind of nurse Mr D would pick.

Sorry about how long this is, but I did say I had a lot to comment on! I really, really enjoyed reading this! I’m surprised you never got a ghost-writing job at BSC or SVH, because it was totally better than a few BSC/SVH books I’ve read. ;)

Cory said...

I heart Mr. DiBiaz and his extreme mood swings. He's frightening, but in an entertaining way. Beth seems like she has some sort of disorder. One minute she's making up malicious lies, and the next she's apologizing and taking all of the blame. She needs therapy or something. Also, I wish the scenery had fallen on Tammy and Brett, which would have been must more satisfying, and I love how the ending includes one last insult flung at Joan.

P.S. It's not so unfeasible that Disney would have given them the rights to do the play, songs included. My former high school has performed Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin in the past five years, complete with songs.

Cory said...

Also, I agree with Recap That! and love how Mr. DiBiaz always reminds the orphans how they're parentless and alone. Every time he makes mention of the orphans not having parents, I always imagine him pausing and looking around at the orphans and giving them dirty looks.

Deathycat said...

I really loved this story. I think it's seriously just as good and realistic as some YA Lit I've read. ^_^ Mr. DiBiaz was a riot. I too love how he constantly reminds the orphans that they're orphans. And that last insult at Joan was great. Looking forward to the next story. ^_^

Anonymous said...

ha ha... thank you for sharing this "masterpiece" with the world. i wish more of the fruitville stories had survived.
looking forward to "pa" and ESPECIALLY the old Lisa and the Angels stories (and any and all reactions to them)

Kathryn said...

Man, I'm 5'6" and if I could weigh 140lbs, I would be very happy indeed. Maybe I need to go on the Joan Quackenbush diet, too. I do like Twinkies :)

tctill said...

Thanks for the comments ... I'm glad people enjoyed this one. I do think it was one of my "better" chilhood stories (though you'll see from some of my upcoming posts that it doesn't have much competition!).

My favorite Mr. DiBiaz quote is still:
"For Pete's sake, you're eleven yours old. You'll have broken up by next week!"

And he was even right!

I really hope I can find the one where the Fruitville girls go camping ... I don't know if it's lost for good or not. I've seen it around in more recent years than some stories, but it might have been damaged in a flood a few years back. I hope not!

Sada said...

I just saw Mr. Belding on an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and I immediately thought of Mr. DiBiaz. I have to say, Mr. Belding has packed on quite a few pounds since leaving Bayside High. Hope he doesn't have a run-in with Joan Quackenbush's nurse!