Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Me and Snobby Stacie, Part Two

I was out of town for most of February (hence the lack of updates) but here, finally, are more adventures with Cyndi and Stacie!

Chapter Four

Blackey at the vet day. Plus, I was going to dog Stacie.

(Clever use of 80's slang there, Cyndi, considering Stacie's hatred of dogs ... actually, did anyone else ever go around saying "I dogged you!" in the late 80's, or was that just my weird siblings and I?)

I put on a pair of black spandex that ended just below my knees, a hot-pink turtleneck with black polka-dots on it, hot-pink push-down socks, hot-pink high-tops, and a black bow. Ha ha, Stacie.

(I'm 'ha-ha'ing, too, at the hideousness of that outfit.)

I found a note on the breakfast table:
Dear Cyndi, I went to the vet already. Please fix breakfast. Maybe lunch. I'm going to run some errands afterwards.
Love, Mom.
P.S. Blackey threw up again.

(Was that P.S. really necessary?)

I sighed. Then I fixed a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I ate it and decided to go over to Kathy's.

I dialed her number. 273-2983. "Hello ... This is Cyndi. Is Kathy there? ... Well, can I come over? ... Thank you. Bye."

I ran over to Kathy's.

"Hi, Cyndi!"

"Hi, Kathy!"

We ran up to her fourth-floor bedroom.

"Why didn't you call me yesterday?" I told her about Blackey. "Oh, that's too bad!"

We watched two 2-hour movies. "Oh, no!" I said.


"I've gotta go!" I ran home.

"Where were you?" Mom asked.

"A-at Kathy's."

(Don't ask me why Cyndi is stammering ... unless Mrs. Wellman is another Josephine?)

"How come it took you so long?"

"We watched two movies."

"Next time, be here!"

"Wh-where's Blackey?"

Mom sighed. "Cyndi ... Blackey's at ... he's still at the vet."

"What? Still at the vet? I don't understand."

"Well ... the vet thinks he's been fed poisoned meat."

(I love how the vet just knows it was meat, and doesn't suggest that Blackey got into some antifreeze or whatever.)

"Poisoned meat?! But who would do that?!"

"I don't have the slightest idea."

"It had to be someone awful ... I know! Stacie Barnes! Do you think when she mumbled that, she was talking about the meat?"

('that' = "Ihoamemaimick!", which Stacie muttered in the last chapter, and which translates to "I hope that meat made him sick!" -- since of course Cyndi is right about Stacie.)

"Oh, Mom! What if Blackey dies?"

"He won't, baby."

"I'm going over to Stacie's right now!"

I ran next door. Mrs. Barnes answered.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I need Stacie," I said through clenched teeth.

"Stacie, honey. A girl!"

(love how she just dismisses Cyndi, who she's met at least three times by this point, as "a girl"...)

"Oh, it's you!" said Stacie, when we were in her room.

"Who'd you expect?", I asked.

"Someone better."

I stared at her.

"So I see you're in style today," she said sarcastically.

"More than you."

"No way!"

Stacie was wearing a black velvet mini-dress with a pink sash around it, black tights, black flats, and a big pink bow.

"Well..." I said.

(Cyndi must agree that Stacie's outfit is marginally better than her own little polka-dot spandex fest ... although, personally, I think the "big pink bow" is overdoing it a little, Stace.)

"See, I am!"

I just shrugged. "I came to ask you something," I said.


"Did you just happen to be ... well, to feed my dog any kind of ... meat?"


"Poisoned meat?"

Stacie grinned. "No."

"Oh, sure!"

Stacie burst out laughing. "Okay, okay, I did!"

(And I thought Josephine was over-the-top...)

"Stacia Barnes! Why? Blackey could die! Don't you care?! Don't you care at all?!!"

Stacie grinned. "Nope."

"Oh, you are so heartless! I hate you, Stacie Barnes! I hate you!"

(I'm sure the little sociopath is just devastated, Cyndi. And how do you know that her name is 'Stacia'?)

Chapter Five

I was so angry. Angry at Stacie for being so heartless. Angry at Blackey for taking the meat. Angry at Mom and Dad for not noticing me or Blackey (huh?). Angry at everyone!!!!!

I pushed my teddy bear off my bed.

(That part was ripped off from a scene in The Parent Trap 2, when Mary was pouting and pushed her teddy off her bed -- I'm surprised I didn't make Cyndi mutter, "What are you looking at?" before she pushed hers.)

"Cyndi! Dinner!"

I ran downstairs.

"What is it?"

"Fish and macaroni'n'cheese."


"You hay fish?" joked Dad.

"That's not funny. And I said hate! Just like I hate Stacia Barnes!"

"Cyndi, yesterday you invited her over. Did that little argument over the meat really do that to you?"

(Okay, an attempt to kill their daughter's dog equals "a little argument"? Maybe Cyndi has a right to be angry at her parents!)

"You know what? I always hated her! Do you know what she said? She said she didn't care if Blackey died! How can anyone say that?"

Mom sighed and looked at Dad. He just shrugged.

"Cyndi," said Mom.

I squinted. (do you need glasses, Cyndi?) "Yeah?"

"We have some very important news to tell you."

"I knew it! Blackey's dead! Because of Stacie Barnes!"


"The little murderer! I wish I could feed her poisoned meat!"

"Cyndi, Blackey's not dead!"

"He's not?"

"No! We're moving!"

"Again? You mean I have to move away from Racquelle and Kathy and Lisa and Carrie! Oh, this day is the absolute worst ever!!!"

(Oh, look on the bright side -- at least you and Blackey wll be safe from the family of freaks next door!)

"Cyndi, we live on 6th and L, right?"


"We're only moving to 12th and K!"

"Then why are we moving?!!" I exploded.

"Because! And I am also going to have a baby ... due March 10th!"

"What?!! A baby?!! You mean, I have to live with a thing that goes 'boo-hoo' and slobbers and leaves food all over the place!" I burst into tears. "Oh, this day is awful! Just awful!"

I threw down my plate (and broke it), stood up, slammed my chair into the fridge, ran off, and started throwing down chairs and banging on things. "It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!" I ran into my bedroom. (Wow, someone has spoiled-only-child syndrome! Isn't she a little old for it?)

"Cynthia Marie Wellman, you come out here this instant! I'm going to count! One ... two ... three ... "

I ran outside. "Wha-a-at?!"

"You pick up all of these chairs. Ri-i-ight now!"

I groaned and started picking up the chairs. When I was done, I walked over to Dad and Mom. "Do you want me anymore?"

"Yes, we do, young lady!" said Dad.

"Where do I go?"

"The couch! And march!"

I marched to the couch, giggling.


"Okay, sorry."

My parents walked to the couch. "Here is your list of punishments."

"Hey, when did you have time to... "

"Never mind!"

I looked at the list.

Bed Early - 7:30 - 2 wks.
No dessert - 4 wks.
Grounded - 1 wk.
No T.V. - 3 wks.
No Carrie - 1 wk.
No Lisa - 1 wk.
No Kathy - 1 wk.
No Racquelle - 1 wk.
Say sorry to Stacie!

(Okay ... er, when did they have time to make a list of punishments? When Cyndi was throwing chairs down, did Mrs. Wellman rush to grab the nearest pad and pen? Why not just say "no friends" instead of listing them by name? And, really, WHY does Cyndi have to apologize to Stacie for Stacie poisoning her dog?)

"Hey, why all this?!!"

"Because of your mouth and actions!" said Dad.

"I've never seen a child act that way," said Mom.

"Never!" agreed Dad.

I hung my head. "I'm real sorry. Except all of this is so hard on me. I'll take the punishments."

"Cyndi," said Mom. She grabbed my list and crossed out most of the punishments. "How's this?"

No dessert - 1 wk.
Grounded - 1 wk.

(Whatever on Mrs. Wellman crossing out most of the punishments. I wonder why she kept 'no dessert' on there? Maybe she's too lazy to bake. Or maybe she secretly thinks Cyndi needs to lose some of her whopping 77 pounds.)

"Well... "

"Is it okay?"

I grinned. "Yes!"


I was in bed, wide awake. Gosh, I thought. I should make a list of good things and bad things. Today was an awful day! (Well, mostly.)

I made the list. (I made it gladly, too.)

Bad: Blackey, Stacie, no dessert, grounded, dinner today, Stacie in style.
Good: Shorter list of punishments.

Ha, ha!

(That's the end of the chapter. How's that for a cliffhanger?)

Chapter Six

The next morning, I woke up and put on a pair of tight, tight bleached blue jeans, a white cotton long-sleeved turtleneck, and a white sweater with no sleeves. I put on my white push-downs and my white Keds. (Lovely ... especially the jeans.)

Then I asked my mom if I could go to Carrie's. It was the tenth day of winter break, so probably.
(Really? If it was the ninth day of winter break, would you not be allowed?)

"Honey, you're grounded."

"Mom, can you please make that when school starts!"

"Well ... okay."

"Thank you!" I ran outside. Then I ran to Stacie's.

Stacie answered. "How come you're here everyday?"

(Because she's a stalker?)

"Some greeting", I said. "I just wanted to see what you're wearing."

Stacie was wearing a long, knee-length white silk dress with a green bow around it, a matching green bow in her hair, green heels, and white tights. (That sounds very 11-year-old. I'm sure I got it from some Barbie doll.)

"Ha! Beat ya this time!" I said.

"Hmmm!" Stacie slammed the door.

"How rude!"

I ran to Carrie's, laughing all the way.

"Hi, Carrie! How're ya doing?!"

"Not so good. Look." Carrie handed me a list.

If you drop your food, leave the table.
Wear DECENT clothing!!!
Do not watch T.V. for more than one hour!!
Study three hours per DAY!!!

"What happened to your parents?!"

Carrie sighed. "Well, last time you saw me, that day I found out Mom and Dad were killed in a car accident. The guardian is supposed to be my strict aunt Josephine. She's here already!"

"Oh, Carrie!"

You should have seen what Carrie was wearing. It was a blue sailor dress, with an anchor and whistle. How babyish!

(Naturally, Carrie's 'babyish' outfit is Cyndi's first concern. What about an, I don't know, "I am so sorry about your parents"?)

Carrie must be a mind-reader. "This is so babyish!"

"I know!"
(Cyndi, ever the sensitive one...)

"CARRIE!" (uh oh!)



"O-okay, Aunt Jo-Josephine!"

"Why are you stuttering?" I asked.

"I'm not supposed to have anyone over! Hide!"

I hid under Carrie's bed.

Three minutes later, Carrie was back. "Why so soon?"

"Nothing." She paused. Then, "Cyndi?"


"Can I trust you to keep a secret?"

"Um, yeah!"

"Okay. My aunt ... well, every day, she drops my food on the floor. Last time I ate was the day she came, day before yesterday! And that was breakfast!" (GASP!)

"Oh, oh no!"

Carrie sighed.

"Oh, Carrie! Can I please tell Kathy, Lisa, and Racquelle?"


"I'm leaving! Bye!"


I ran to Kathy's. "Can I talk to Kathy?"

"I'm sorry. Kathy's in the hospital with a bad concussion. You see, Kathy, Lisa, and Racquelle, and Carrie Packer's parents were in a bad car accident. Racquelle damaged her bicep badly. And Lisa broke her leg badly. It was broken in three places, plus she got a crushed ankle and got a bad tissue damage. Poor Carrie's parents both died."

(WOW! What a coincidence that they were all together in one car! And Carrie must have been so terrified about Josephine that she conveniently left out their friends' involvement and their random injuries ... a damaged bicep?! I think I watched too much wrestling back then.)

"Oh, gosh!"

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"That's okay. Thanks for telling me. Bye."


(Just who is that telling all this to Cyndi? Kathy's mom? Whoever it is -- considering they're at Kathy's house, you'd think Cyndi would be the one offering condolences for poor Kathy and her head trauma.)

I slowly walked home.


I was bored. There was nothing to do. Blackey wasn't even here. (we know...)

It seemed like everyone had problems. I was bored. Dad and Mom had moving problems. Carrie was starving. Kathy, Racquelle, and Lisa were hurt. Blackey was dying (maybe). Their parents were lonely (my friends's). It seems that Stacia Ann Barnes was the only happy one!

(Poor Cyndi is bored ... cry me a river. How does she know Stacie's middle name?)

Coming up next: Cyndi and Carrie have a fight, Cyndi calls radio stations, plus I blatantly rip off the BSC a few more times...


Cory said...

I'm starting to think Cyndi is a stalker. How else would she know that Stacie's full name was Stacia Ann Barnes?

Also, I love how Cyndi could care less than Carrie is now a starving orphan and that her friends are in the hospital. All she cares about is that she's moving to a larger house, which is obviously far worse.

Deathycat said...

I love the absurdity of this. ^_^ She's so concerned with being bored she doesn't care that one of her friends parents died and the rest are hurt. She doesn't even think of visiting them or anything. ^_^

Anonymous said...

along with Cyndi not seeming to care one bit about Carrie losing her parents or her friends being injured, why did it take so long for anybody to tell her? Isn't Carrie her little BFF? You would think she'd have called her, or something, or even if Carrie was too grief stricken and overwhelmed, Mrs. Bell or somebody might have called..
Cyndi gets her lack of caring from her parents, though. I'm surprised they didn't take Blackey out and shoot him or feed him more poison. Mrs. Wellman was probably smiling as she wrote about Blackey throwing up...

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

Love all the outfits - esp the bleached jeans and oversized bows :) looking forward to the next installment! (and yes, I did go back and read it from the start)